Battle of the Exes
by StarDaze18
Summary: EPILOGUE!!!Ross and Rachel get visited by people from their past. Meanwhile, the others plan for Monica's unborn baby. R&R fic! R&R please!
1. The Beginning

Here we go! My first fic! Please review and tell me what you think or how I could make is better. Also, I am considering making this a Ross and Rachel fic…if you want me to, let me know!

Battle of the Exes

(Everything is the same as it is now, just pretend Ross and Rachel are still living together)

Scene: C&M's apartment, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe and Joey are there

Monica – Where the heck are Ross and Rachel!

Chandler – They'll be here soon, why don't we just tell Joey and Phoebe now?

Monica – Okay!

Chandler – Hey Joey, Phoebe, sit on the couch a minute, we have something to tell you. (They sit) Well you guys, I'm not really sure how to say this, but…

Phoebe – YOU'RE PREGNANT!

Monica – YES!

Phoebe – OH MY GOD! (They hug)

Joey – Hey, it's about time! (Group hug)

Rachel – (Entering) Ugh! Hi, you guys.

Chandler – Hey Rach, what's wrong?

Rachel – I just dropped Emma off at my mom's house, and she started in on why I don't have a boyfriend and why I broke up with all these guys in the past and why I'm over thirty and not married and…(noticing) Why's everyone so happy?

Monica – Rachel, I-

Phoebe – MONICA'S PREGNANT!

Rachel – OH MY GOD! Oh, you're gonna have a little baby, oh…(they hug)

Ross – (Entering) Hiii… (depressed)

Joey – Hey man, what's the matter?

Ross – I just bumped into my divorce lawyer. He was with his wife, and he introduced me as "The guy who's been divorced three times". It got me thinking, why? Why have I been divorced three times? Why? Shouldn't I have been able to make one of them work?

Chandler – Well, they weren't really your fault man. I mean, one was a lesbian, one was a control freak, and in the last one you were drunk!

Ross – Yeah, that's true…

Chandler – Although you DID say the wrong name in the second one…

Ross – Oh, can we just let that go for once! By the way, why are you smiling so hard?

Phoebe – MONICA'S PREGNANT!

Monica – Okay Pheebs, let me tell SOMEBODY!

Ross – Oh my god, congratulations! (hug)

Monica – Thanks, we're so excited!

Rachel – So come on Monica! How long has it been?

Ross – Have you been to a doctor?

Phoebe – What are you going to name it?

Joey – Whose is it?

Chandler – Joey!

Joey – What?

Monica – Okay, everybody come down! It's been about six weeks, the baby's due on May twenty-first. Yes Ross, I had a sonogram yesterday, and everything's healthy. We haven't discussed names yet, but we're going to name it Daniel if it's a boy and Katie if it's a girl!

Chandler – Katie?

Monica – Yes, why?

Chandler – Nothing, I just used to date a Katie…

Monica – Okay, something else then!

Rachel – Oh man you guys! I'm so happy for you! Oh, I want that!

Phoebe – Um, Rachel…

Rachel – I know! I mean I want a family! I want a boyfriend! Someone who's my age, speaks English, and won't have an affair with my best friend!

Ross – I know what you mean…though I guess I should add "straight" to my list…

Rachel – Yeah, I'm gonna go back to my apartment and lie down, okay?

Ross – I'll probably be there soon.

Rachel – All right, bye everyone! (leaves)

Time lapse, R&Rs apartment. Someone knocks on the door.

Rachel – Coming! (opens the door) Oh my god! Gavin!

Gavin – Hello Rachel. Can I come in?

Rachel – Sure, I guess…

Gavin -  Look, we haven't really talked since that kiss, and I was wondering what it meant and everything…

Rachel – Okay, um, Gavin, I really think I was just caught up in the moment. I mean, I like you, I just don't see myself in a relationship with you. Especially since you still kind of annoy the heck out of me…

Gavin – Okay, that's cool, I guess…

Rachel – I'm really sorry. (Someone knocks again) I'll be right back, okay? (She goes and opens the door) What the…Joshua?!?!?!

Joshua – Hey Rachel. Bloomingdale's told me you transferred to Ralph Lauren, so I checked with them and found out you were living here…

Rachel – Yeah okay…Why did you want to find me?

Joshua – Well, I kinda wanted to give our relationship another shot…I mean, I'm twenty-seven and I have no one!

Rachel – Okay listen Joshua…what little we had is OVER! Okay? I never even really liked you, I was in love with Ross the whole tome we were going out!

Joshua – Isn't he married now?

Gavin – No, he lives here.

Joshua – Wow.

Rachel - Long story. By the way, Joshua, you look way older than you actually are. (Knock on the door) Again! God! Okay, I'll be right back… (Opens the door) What the heck…Tag?!?!?

Tag – Hey Rach.

Rachel – Tag, please tell be you didn't come to ask me to give our relationship another chance!

Tag – No, actually I came to tell you that since you DUMPED me because I was TOO YOUNG for you, I went out and found someone better. We're engaged now.

Rachel – Okay…congratulations Tag.

Tag – Thanks, I'm excited.

Joshua – Wait, Is that why you dumped me? I was too young?

Rachel – I didn't dump you Joshua, remember?

Gavin – Well is that why you're dumping me? 

Rachel – NO! We never even went out, how could I dump you! (Knock) AAHHH!! No way! (She opens the door) Oh my god…

TBC

Well, that's chapter one! Please, please PLEASE review and tell me what you think or what I could do to make it better. Also, tell me if Ross and Rachel should get together. The other friends will be in the next chapter, I promise! 


	2. More Exes

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for all your great reviews! Since you seem to want this to be R&R, it will be! Yea! Also: I do not own Friends. I will, however, let you know when this changes.

Chapter 2

Rachel - Oh my god…Barry!

Barry – Yup.

Rachel – And Mindy!

Mindy – Hey Rachel! Long time no see!

Rachel – But…I thought you guys got divorced.

Barry – We did. But, after a few months, Mindy came to her senses and realized that life without me…sucks. So we got married again.

Rachel – Mindy, you just let him talk to you like that? 

Mindy – You have to learn to tune him out…it was really okay, though. The girl he slept with was a lesbian.

Rachel – Oh my god! Barry, is she serious

Mindy – You remember Melissa from college, don't you? (AN: Remember TOW Rachel's Big Kiss?)

Rachel – I can't believe you did that Barry!

Gavin – You slept with a lesbian?

Tag – Didn't Ross marry one?

Joshua – Whoa! That Emily girl was a lesbian? 

Rachel – No, he's talking about Carol…the first one.

Joshua – Oh…that makes sense, I guess.

(Knock on the door)

Rachel – NOOOOOO!

Scene: M&Cs apartment, all are there except for Rachel

Phoebe – Mike.

Chandler – Phoebe, we are not naming our kid after your ex-boyfriend. 

Phoebe – Fine! Chris.

Monica – No.

Joey – Ian.

Monica – No.

Phoebe – How about-

Monica – You guys suck at boy names! Let's do girl names now!

Joey – Okay, um…Taylor.

Chandler – I don't think so…

Phoebe – Laurie?

Monica – No…

Joey – Oh, I know! Kathy!

Monica – Joey, I am NOT naming my kid after my husband's ex-girlfriend!

Chandler – It's such a pretty name though…

Monica – (glares at him)

Chandler – (to Phoebe and Joey) Yeah, I'm on the couch tonight.

Scene – R&Rs apartment, Rachel, Barry, Mindy, Gavin, Joshua and Tag are all sitting down. We see someone walking around but we don't see their face.

Person – (picking a cup up off the coffee table) Cup!

Rachel – Yes very good Paolo. CUP!

Paolo – Ah, Raquel! (He moves toward her. She jumps out of the way)

Rachel – Okay Paolo, I know we never really had much of a relationship, besides, you know, animal sex, but I would think you'd remember that I dumped you like eight years ago and…you have no clue what I'm saying, do you?

Paolo – (shrugs and moves toward her again)

Rachel – (punches him in the stomach) Back off!

Tag – Ooohh, way to go Rachel!

Barry – Yeah, I think he got what that meant.

Rachel – Remind me again why you guys are still here.

Joshua – Well, we don't really have anywhere else to be, so…

Rachel – So, you're gonna hang out in my apartment even though we haven't spoken in years.

All Guys – Yeah, pretty much.

Mindy – Oh Barry, we should actually go…

Barry – Why?

Mindy – I'm supposed to meet a friend…we're going shopping…

Barry – Well I'm not ready to go yet. Why don't you just go?

Mindy – We only have one car. Give me the keys then.

Barry – You expect me to let you drive my Jaguar? I don't think so.

Mindy – Well how else am I suppose to get there?

Barry – I don't know, you tell me!

Rachel – Oh my god Barry, give her the keys!

Barry – Fine! (gives them to her)

Rachel – Come on, Min, I'll walk you out. (they reach the door) God Mindy, how can you stand that? All that grief just to go shopping with one of your girl friends?

Mindy – Actually, he's not a girl friend. And we're not going shopping. (leaves)

Rachel – All right you guys, if you insist on staying here, that's fine, but I'm warning you, you had better not bother me because I am already stressed out because of each of you!

Guys – Okay.

Rachel – (Knock on the door) Oh my god! I swear, if that is anyone other than the pizza delivery guy, I am going to make him cry so hard! (Opens the door and sees Paul standing there with tears running down his face) 

Paul – R – Ra – Rachel?

Rachel – Or not.

Paul – (collapses into Rachel's arms, crying) Rachel, I miss you…You're the only woman that opened my gate and brought my emotions out…please take me back!

Rachel – I don't think so, Paul.

Paul – (cries harder and walks past her)

Barry – Jeez, what a wuss.

Tag – I know, seriously man.

Rachel – Why me?

Scene: M&Cs apartment, continued from before

Monica - …And we need a changing table and a crib and a mobile and a little swing and a rocking chair and-

Phoebe – Hold on, you're going too fast!

Monica – Am I going fast, or all of you writing too slow?

Joey – You're going too fast.

Monica – Well if we're going baby shopping, we need to know what we're gonna get!

Chandler – I don't know why we need to get all this stuff now. Ross and Rachel waited until like the eighth month and they were fine.

Monica – Well, excuse me for not behaving like my irresponsible brother and his irresponsible ex-girlfriend slash ex-wife slash roommate slash my best friend!

Joey – Monica, you have to calm down! I mean, you're pregnant! Aren't you tired?

Monica – I may be pregnant, but I'm Monica! I don't lie down in the middle of the day! (yawns) Although I guess I can sit…(Walks over and sits in the chair, and automatically falls asleep)

Chandler – Coffee?

Phoebe and Joey – Yeah, sounds good. (They leave. The phone rings, but Monica doesn't wake up. The machine picks it up, and it's Ross)

Ross – (on phone) Hi guys, it's me. I just wanted to let you know I can't make it today for the baby stuff, I really need to go home and lie down, but I'll join in tomorrow, okay? Bye. (Beep!)

Monica – (Wakes up) WHAT! He's not shopping for my baby because he needs to lie down!?!?! …Where is everybody?

TBC

Okay, That's chapter 2! Please review and let me know if I forgot any of Rachel's exes (I'm only doing the recurring ones, not the guys who were only there for one episode. Otherwise it would be way too long. I left Mark out on purpose, although he might show up later). Bye!


	3. The ExGirlfriends

Okay, here's Chapter 3! Everybody's still asking for an R&R fic, so it definitely will be (I don't know why I bothered asking!) Thank you so much for all of your great reviews! I don't own Friends.

Scene: R&Rs apartment, Ross enters

Ross – Rachel? Are you here? Rach? (looks around) I guess not.

(He goes into his bedroom and shuts the door. About five seconds later, someone knocks on the front door.)

Ross – Coming!

Scene: Hallway, M&Cs building. Chandler is walking upstairs. He sees Danny (Thanks Exintaris for pointing this out!).

Chandler – Danny? Is that you?

Danny – Hey Chandler.

Chandler – Wow, long time no see. So, how is everything going with you?

Danny – It's pretty good…I'm on my way right now to meet my sister.

Chandler – Wow, that's cool. Where you guys going? 

Danny – Just dinner. We're going to the movies afterward.

Chandler – That's nice. I mean, it's cool the way you're so close to your sister and all. I'm not close to my family. Granted, my dad runs a gay burlesque show in Las Vegas and my mom's currently dating a nineteen-year-old guy, but…see, I haven't seen you in a long time, so I'm going to nervously babble until-

Danny – Stop.

Chandler – Thank you.

Time Lapse: M&Cs apartment. Chandler enters.

Chandler – Hey guys, guess who I just talked to? Danny.

Monica – The yeti?

Chandler – Or we could call him that.

Phoebe – You know, it's weird how Rachel was, you know, so into Danny, and then she just totally snapped out of it right after they started dating.

Monica – You know, that happens a lot with Rachel. Remember Joshua? That only lasted a couple of dates.

Joey – Yeah, Paul didn't last long either.

Chandler – Or Tag.

Phoebe – Do you realize that the only guy that Rachel's had a long-term relationship with since she moved to New York was with Ross?

Joey – Yeah, you're right…wow, I never noticed that before.

Monica – And they were both so happy…do you guys think it'll ever be that way again?

Chandler – I don't know…at least they don't have all their boyfriends and girlfriends now getting in the way.

Phoebe – Can you imagine if any of them did come back? It would be so horrible for Ross and Rachel after all they've been through with them!

Joey – Yeah, it would be really funny though!

Monica – Yeah, too bad it'll probably never happen…

Scene: R&Rs apartment, continued from earlier.

Ross: Coming! (He runs to the door and opens it. And it's…)

Ross: Emily!

Emily: Hello Ross. May I come in?

Ross (shocked): Yeah, I guess…so…(nervously). What's up?

Emily – Ross…Colin and I are separating.

Ross – Oh Emily, I'm sorry.

Emily – It's okay, I mean, I was never very happy with him anyway. At least, not the way I was with you.

Ross – What!?!?! Emily, this isn't right! Especially not after you tried to control my life and then decided you couldn't trust me! (Knock on the door) Hang on, I'll be right back.

(He goes to open the door and…

Ross – What? Julie? What are you doing here? 

Julie – Hello Ross. I was actually sent by Dr. Armstrong to invite you to a paleontology convention next month.

Ross – Seriously? You didn't, like, ask to come or anything?

Julie – Actually, I wanted to come. I was kind of hoping I'd see you miserable and alone, but…(sees Emily) Who are you? Are you Ross's wife?

Emily – Ex-wife actually. I'm Emily.

Julie – Julie. Wow Ross, you got married and divorced again?

Ross – Yeah, um, another time too, actually.

Emily – After me?

Ross – Yeah…

Julie – To who?

Ross – That's not really important… (Knock on the door) Oh hey! Better get the door! I guess we'll have to talk about this later! (Goes to the door) Probably just a salesperson…(Opens door) Oh my…Bonnie!?!?!

Bonnie – Hey Ross! You busy?

Ross – No no, come right on in! I, uh, see you kept shaving your head.

Bonnie – Yeah, It's just so much lighter that way!

Ross – Oh, I'm sure…

Bonnie – I could do yours if you want!

Ross – No thanks, I'm good…so anyways, did you want to, um, talk to me or…

Bonnie – Oh yeah! I was wondering if you were over Rachel yet, because I still think you're really cute, and everything.

Emily – Wait a minute! Rachel? You're still on Rachel?

Ross – No Emily, this is from a long time ago, way before you-

Julie – Yeah, but after me!

Bonnie – By the way, who are you people?  
  


Emily – I'm Ross's ex-wife Emily.

Julie – And I'm his ex-girlfriend Julie.

Bonnie – I'm his ex-girlfriend Bonnie. He dumped me for Rachel.

Julie – He dumped me for Rachel too!

Emily – He said Rachel's name at our wedding! (Bonnie and Julie gasp)

Bonnie – Oh my god, I'm so sorry!

Ross – (hangs his head in defeat)

Scene: C&Ms apartment, continued from earlier.

Phoebe: And have you guys ever noticed that, like, every time Ross breaks up with someone, it's because of Rachel?

Monica – I know. I feel so bad because it never works out.

Joey – You'd think they could figure out that they were meant to be together.

Chandler – Let's just hope that they figure it out soon…(They all stare off, deep in thought)

Phoebe – (Firmly) Isn't it amazing how thinking about Ross and Rachel totally wipes everything else out of your mind?

Monica – Yeah…Okay, let's go shopping now! (They all groan.)

Time Lapse: R&Rs apartment, continues from earlier. Emily, Julie and Bonnie are talking.

Julie – We had this great thing going, and then he finds out Rachel likes him and totally casts me off!

Bonnie – Yeah, pretty much the same story here.

Emily – That's horrible! I'm so sorry!

Julie – We were even going to get a cat! (Bonnie and Emily gasp)

Bonnie – No! (Knock on the door)

Ross – I'll get it! You can go back to your I Hate Ross discussion. (They ignore him) Fine. I'll just open the door for…(Open door…) Elizabeth? What the heck are you doing here?

Elizabeth – Hey Ross. I just came by to see if-

Ross – Elizabeth, for the last time, we cannot date. It's wrong. I'm ten years older than you, and I'm also your teacher!

Elizabeth – Yeah, I know. I'm just looking for my dad, he came over here awhile ago looking for Rachel.

Ross – Oh… Well no, I haven't seen him or Rachel around at all.

Elizabeth – It's okay, I'll find him.

Ross – Good… Wouldn't want anything to happen to your father, he's such a great person. (Does the weird Ross laugh)

Elizabeth – It's okay to hate him now.

Ross – Good. So, are you…seeing anyone?

Elizabeth – Oh yeah! Do you know Benjamin Banks?

Ross – Professor Banks? From the University Sociology Department?

Elizabeth – That's the one!

Ross – But sociologists are such geeks!

Julie – You dated her Ross? Aren't you a little…old?

Elizabeth – Oh I'm sorry! I didn't realize you had company! Hi, I'm Elizabeth. I dated Ross a couple years ago.

Emily – Then maybe you can tell us who he married!

Elizabeth – You mean Emily? Or Carol, or-

Emily – No, I'm Emily. We know about Carol, but who did he marry the third time? 

Elizabeth – You mean Rachel?

Emily, Bonnie and Julie – WHAT!?!?!

TBC

That's Chapter 3! Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed so far, and to everyone who's going to review! If this seems a little weird, don't worry, I will (hopefully) get it sorted out in the future…I have a plan! (Does Phoebe's "plan laugh") Please Review!

Thanks!


	4. Baby Shopping

Chapter 4! Hey, thank you so much for reviewing and please do it again for this chapter! For those of you that asked, yes, I have PLANS for Mark and Chloe…(Plan laugh). I don't own Friends, blah blah blah, here we go!

Scene: R&Rs apartment, continued from end of last chapter.

Emily – Ross!

Bonnie – You married Rachel?!?

Julie – THE Rachel!?!

Ross – Calm down! It's not what it looks like! We were in Vegas! We were drunk!

Emily – So I suppose you got an annulment right away?

Ross – Actually…

Elizabeth – Oh no. He kept putting the annulment off until they couldn't get it anymore. It was like two months after they got back, and they had to get a divorce.

Julie – You got divorced a third time?

Bonnie – What took you so long?

Emily – Yes Ross, you and I were only married for a couple of weeks! Why did you and Rachel decide to stay married longer?

Elizabeth – They didn't. Ross told Rachel he got it right away. She didn't even know they were still married.

Bonnie – Ross!

Julie – Why would you do that?

Ross – (Pause) Oh, you want me to talk now?

Emily – Ross, why didn't you tell Rachel you were married?

Ross – Well…

Scene: A store, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey are there shopping.

Monica – I don't know how you're supposed to find anything in this store. They're so disorganized! Look! Changing tables are over here next to the swings! Why would you put changing tables next to swings? Swings are for fun, but changing tables are necessary! And the cribs are in that corner, but the sheets and mobiles are all the way on the other side of the store! How are you supposed to find anything?

Phoebe – I don't know Monica, maybe you should organize it for them.

Monica – Good idea!

Chandler – No Monica, right now we need to shop for the baby. Maybe after it's born you can come back and reorganize the store.

Monica – Okay!

Joey – Hey guys! Check this out! (Hold up a teddy bear and pretends to make it talk) "My name's Snuggly! I'm best friends with Hugsy! We're shopping for the Bing baby now! We've been shopping for the Bing baby for the last four hours!"

Phoebe – (Laughs hysterically)

Chandler – Not funny Joe!

Monica – Go away Joey! Chandler, next on the list is…a car seat.

Chandler – Oooh, cool! How about the one with the stars on it?

Monica – No, it's too dark a fabric. How about this one with the rainbows?

Chandler – Monica, if we get that, other people's babies will make fun of our kid.

Joey – How about this one? It has ice cream cones on it!

Chandler – And if we get that one, our kid will be fat.

Phoebe – Oooh! Oooh! You should get this one! (Holds up a tie-dyed car seat)

Monica – No Phoebe.

Phoebe – Why not?

Monica – Because it's weird.

Phoebe - Okay. Well, since Ross isn't here, I suggest on behalf of Ross that you get the one with the dinosaurs on it…

Time Lapse: R&Rs apartment.

Emily – Ross? Why didn't you tell Rachel you were married?

Ross – Well…

Bonnie – I bet he was still in love with her!

Ross – What? No!

Julie – Oh, that makes perfect sense! Good job Bonnie!

Bonnie – Thank you.

Ross – It does not!

Emily – Ross? Were you still in love with Rachel?

Ross – No, I'm not in love with Rachel!

Elizabeth – Uh, Ross, she asked _were_ you, not _are_ you. 

Ross – Oh. Well, no to both.

Julie – Oh my god, he's still in love with her!

Ross – I AM NOT! (Knock on the door) Aaaahhhh! (Goes to the door and opens it) What!?! No no no no…Carol!?!

Carol – Oh hey Ross.

Ross – Carol, what are you doing here? We divorced happily. You have Susan. You have a good life without me!

Carol – I know! I just came by to ask if you would mind watching Ben this weekend, Susan and I both have to go out of town.

Ross - …oh. Yeah, sure, I'd love to.

Carol – Great, thanks. (Notices everyone else) Hello. Have we met?

Emily – Yes, we have. I'm Emily, Ross's second wife?

Julie – I'm Julie, remember?

Bonnie – I never met you. I'm Bonnie.

Carol – Carol.

Elizabeth – Yeah, I remember you. I'm Elizabeth, remember?

Carol – Oh yeah…Ross, what are all your ex-girlfriends doing here?

Ross – Apparently I'm cursed. (Knock on the door) And it continues! (He opens the door) Oh look! Now Mona's here! Isn't this SO MUCH FUN!??!?!

Mona – Nice to see you too Ross. What's going on?

Ross – Nothing, just a lot of people here…

Julie – Are you another ex-girlfriend of Ross's?

Mona – Yeah, we dated a couple of months ago. Who are you people?

Bonnie – Instead of going around in a circle again, lets just say we're all ex-girlfriends of Ross's.

Mona – Oh. Okay.

Ross – (Uncomfortable) Okay then… what were we talking about again?

Julie – About how you were still in love with Rachel.

Ross – No we weren't!

Mona – Oh my gosh, you are? You told me you weren't!

Emily – Join the club.

Ross – I'm not!

Mona – God Ross, it's not enough that you married her and had a baby with her, now you're in love with her too?

Ross – Ssshhhh!

Emily, Julie, Bonnie, and Elizabeth – WHAT!?!?!

Carol – Yeah, I knew all that, so can I go?

Time Lapse: The store, continued from earlier. Monica is passing baby bottles to Phoebe, who has the cart.

Monica – Okay Pheebs, how may do we have now?

Phoebe – Fifteen.

Monica – Three in each color?

Phoebe – Yup. Blue, pink, green, yellow and clear.

Monica – Good! One more in each and we'll have an even twenty! You can help me put numbers on the bottom later!

Phoebe – I can't. I have plans.

Monica – You told me earlier you were doing nothing but shopping with us all day.

Phoebe - Memory lapse. I must be in the early stages of, you know, amnesia.

Meanwhile…on the other side of the store…

Chandler – You think Monica would notice if I snuck this in the cart? (Hold up a book, _A Baby's First Joke Book_.)

Joey – I don't know… She noticed when I added ketchup to her tomato sauce the other day.

Chandler – See, that's why she threw Hugsy off the balcony!

Joey – And I'll never forgive her for that!

Chandler – Whatever. Monica sent us to pick out some bibs, so lets just do it, okay?

Joey – Fine. (Picks up a bib with a penguin on the front) Oh…

Chandler – Joey, will you stop? Monica's sorry! She didn't see the truck!

Scene: R&Rs apartment.

Julie – Ross! You have a baby with Rachel? How could you not tell us?

Ross – I was afraid you'd get mad! And, see, you are!

Mona – Yeah, and he didn't even tell me until we were way into our relationship.

Bonnie – That's awful! Is that why you broke up?

Mona – No, we almost did, but then he told me that he wasn't in love with Rachel and he never would be.

Julie – Ross was never very good at telling the truth.

Elizabeth – (Agreeing) No. 

Ross – What? No! You have got to stop bringing this up! I am not in love with Rachel!

Emily – Yes, you are.

Ross – No, I'm not.

Julie – Then why didn't you tell her you were still married? Why do you have a baby with her? Next thing, I suppose you'll be telling me she lives right next door!

Mona – (Enjoying herself) Oh, he didn't tell you? Rachel lives here.

Elizabeth, Emily, Julie, Bonnie – (Glare at Ross)

Ross – (Pause) No, see, she LIVES here, but as a roommate, not as a-. Oh, forget it.

Carol – Wow, this so beats spinning class at the gym. Ross, you should tell them about the time you cheated on her.

Ross – Thank you Carol.

Scene: The store, at checkout.

Clerk – Takes receipt out) Your total is nine hundred ninety-one dollars and fourteen cents.

Monica – What? Are you sure? See, when I added it up, I got nine hundred eighty-five dollars and nine cents.

Clerk – Well, sorry, but I think the computer can do a better job than you can.

Joey – Oh, crap.

Phoebe – Take it back, take it back!

Chandler – I'm going to call and get a pizza delivered, it's gonna be awhile.

Monica – Oh yeah? The computer's better than me? Come on, let's go, we'll see who's better!

Joey – Make sure you get the Joey Special!

Time Lapse: R&Rs apartment.

Emily – Ross. You cheated on Rachel?

Ross – See, technically, no-

Carol – Ross, if you say "We were on a break" one more time, I'm going to keep you away from Ben forever so you can't screw up his relationships! After I tell Rachel!

Ross – Okay then.

Bonnie – Honestly Ross, how could you do that to her? You were so close.

Julie – Yeah, I mean, we were mad when you dumped us for Rachel, but we understood.

Mona – Yeah, and deep down, I guess we were kind of happy for you…

Ross – Really?

Mona – Well, I don't know about them, but I pretty much wanted you in hell.

Emily – Yeah, me too.

Bonnie – Pretty much.

Julie – Yep.

Elizabeth – Not really. I had nothing to do with Rachel, so…whatever. I did hate you for awhile, though.

Ross – Great. So you all hate me now, just because things didn't work out between us?

Carol – I don't hate you. I'm just not attracted to you anymore.

Ross. That's comforting. Look, I just have to say that you are all so stubborn. I mean, things ended between us years ago! Can't we be friends? I mean, Rachel was the worst breakup I've ever been through, and she's like my best friend! Can't we put the past behind us?

Bonnie – No, we hate you Ross.

Emily – Always!

Carol – I don't!

Julie – Yeah, he didn't dump you for Rachel!

Scene: The store, Monica is arguing with the clerk while Chandler is talking on his cell phone.

Chandler – Yes, that's one large vegetarian and one large with sausage, pepperoni, ham, and…(Looks at Joey, who is making fish motions with his hands, and then runs off somewhere) anchovies. Deliver to Babies Plus on Fourteenth Street. Thanks. (Hangs up)

Phoebe – I'm bored!

Chandler – Me too… where'd Joey go?

Phoebe – He went to take a nap in a crib. He said to come and get him when the pizzas get here.

Monica – (Yelling) Look! If you add up all eighty-two items on the calculator and add the sales tax, it comes out to MY amount! I win!

Woman – (Standing behind Chandler) Goodness, that woman is taking her time! Do you know her?

Chandler – Who me? No, never met her before in my life.

Clerk – You got it wrong. You have eighty-three items in your cart.

Monica – Eighty-three? But that's impossible. I only picked up what was on this list. (Shows him the list)

Clerk – (Skims it over) Yes, you have all that, and…(Looks through the bags and holds up Chandler's book)

Monica – What the heck is this? (She looks and it and suddenly screams) CHANDLER!

Chandler – (To Woman) Gotta go. 

(He runs out of the store with Monica screaming after him, "Chandler, how could you try to sneak in something that wasn't on the list? You ALWAYS follow the list no matter what! Do you WANT our baby to have your sense of humor? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT!?!?")

TBC

Ends Chapter 4! Okay, the next chapter will be different, I promise! I have other purposes for them now. Mwahaha… Okay, sorry. Please review! Thanks!


	5. Waking Up

Chapter 5! Sorry if this is a little late, I had somewhat of a writer's block…as always, thank you SO MUCH for reviewing and PLEASE do it at the end of this chapter as well! Thank you! I still do not own Friends (Surprisingly. I thought I would have had 'em by now.)

Scene: C&Ms apartment, everyone is coming back from the store.

Phoebe – God, Monica. You practically harass the clerk, then you chase Chandler for nine blocks before tackling him, and you do it all while pregnant! 

Monica – I know!

Joey – Hey Chandler, thanks for the pizza, it was great!

Chandler – I wouldn't know!

Monica – Well, as long as you put the book back, it's okay.

Chandler – (Smiles innocently at her and winks at Joey)

Monica – Oh, I almost forgot! Chandler and I got a sonogram video yesterday, do you want to see it?

Joey – Yeah!

Phoebe – Oh! Yea! But, shouldn't we wait for Ross and Rachel?

Chandler – Naw, they're probably still lying down.

Monica – Yeah, they're no fun. Now quiet! Don't make any noise! I want to hear the tape!

Joey – Because your baby is making a lot of noise?

Monica – No!

Phoebe – Oh darn! I was hoping it would start singing "New York, New York".

Chandler – (Pause) WHY!?!?

Phoebe – Entertainment purposes.

Monica – Okay, here we go! (Puts the tape in, they watch it for awhile) So?

Joey – Well…it doesn't do anything.

Chandler – Oh see, if you fast-forward it, it starts can-canning around Monica's uterus. What do you expect?

Joey – Nothing like that! It just sits there! 

Phoebe – They don't do much Joey. Remember the video of the triplets? All they did was lie there, all squished together like sardines.

Joey – That's what was missing on the pizza!

Monica – Joey, I'm sorry our baby isn't exciting enough for you, but it's not like it can do much else!

Joey – You guys should get a video like Ross and Rachel, now that was exciting!

Chandler – The Foreplay Video!?!

Joey – Yes!

Monica – Sorry Joey, Chandler doesn't secretly tape that kind of thing.

Chandler – No, he doesn't.

Monica – OH MY GOD! You taped it!

Chandler – No, I didn't! You just said you trusted me! And it's not like I was practicing to seduce women!

Phoebe – Yeah, he doesn't do that in front of cameras now that he's married.

Joey – Whatever. Can we eat now?

Chandler – Joey, you and Phoebe just ate two pizzas while Monica was chasing me around New York. And you're hungry?

Joey – I can't help it! I'm a Tribianni!

Monica – Okay, while we get food, Phoebe, why don't you look out the window? If Ross and Rachel are awake, they might want to join us.

Phoebe – Okay! (She walks to the window and looks out) No, their apartment's empty.

Scene: R&Rs apartment, and yup, it's empty. The phone rings, and the machine comes on.

Phoebe – Hi guys, it's me! I just wanted to let you know that we're going to get something to eat, and we were wondering if you wanted to join us. Monica's mad because you missed the whole shopping thing, and she says that if you don't help us later she's going to make you paint the entire nursery- Hey! Monica! 

Monica – (On the phone) NEATLY! Or I'll make you do it over!

Phoebe – Sorry. Anyway, give us a call later. Bye! (Beep!)

Cut to: Rachel's room. She's lying on her bed, talking in her sleep.

Rachel – No…stop. Go away! No… Barry…Paolo…Gavin…Go away! NO! (She suddenly wakes up) Wha- What? Oh! Oh, thank god! It was a dream! Oh… (She sighs and gets out of bed)

Cut to: Ross's room, same thing.

Ross – No! Don't hate me…It's not my fault…Emily, put it down…Julie, stop…Carol, help! No! No! (Wakes up) Oh…Oh! What a nightmare! (He stretches and gets up)

Cut to: Rachel

Rachel – (In her bathroom, looking in her mirror) They were all there. All of them. All there…oh my god…Oh my god! Thank god it was a dream…oh…

Cut to: Ross

Ross – (Same scenario) Wow! They all hated me. Every single one of them. I couldn't… wow. They kept yelling, and…what were they yelling about? They kept insisting something, but I don't…I can't…

Cut to: Rachel

Rachel – Man, that was weird. Oh, I'd better call Mon, she said something about baby shopping…

(She leaves her room. At the same time, Ross walks out of his)

Ross – Hey! Have you been asleep this whole time?

Rachel – Yeah, I guess! I had the weirdest dream, though…

Ross – Yeah, I had a really weird one myself.

Rachel – Every guy I've dated in the past came back. All of them at once. It was so freaky…

Ross – Really? I had the exact same dream! Except with all my ex-girlfriends, of course…

Rachel – Wow. How strange is that?

Ross – Yeah, I know. 

Rachel – I mean, they were all there! Every single guy I've ever dated!

Ross - …Even me?

Rachel – (Realizes) Actually, no…you were the only one that wasn't there.

Ross – Yeah, you weren't in mine either…

Rachel – That's funny. (Pause) Oh well, I guess we'd better call the guys and see when they're going shopping. (Stops) Something wrong?

Ross – No, I'm fine. It's just, they all kept telling me something and insisting it was true. I kept telling them no, but…it's driving me crazy, I just can't remember what it was.

Rachel – That's funny. (She picks up the phone and starts dialing) Well, it was only a dream. It can't have been anything important.

Ross – Yeah, that's true. I just wish I could remember.

Rachel – Yeah… Hi! Pheebs, it's me. Yeah, we both just woke up, and…Mon?

Monica – (Screaming over the phone) WHERE THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN!?!

Rachel – (Holding the phone away from her ear) Sorry Monica, we just woke up!

Monica – YOU MISSED SHOPPING FOR MY BABY TO TAKE NAPS!?! I NEEDED YOU THERE TO WATCH CHANDLER! HE SNUCK STUFF INTO THE CART AND COMPLETELY MESSED UP THE PRICE, SO I HAD TO CHASE HIM OUT OF THE STORE!!!

Ross – (Yelling towards the phone) Gee, Mon, we're sorry we missed that.

Monica – FINE! JUST GET YOUR BUTTS OVER HERE, OR-

Phoebe – Monica, stop! (Grabs the phone) Sorry, guys. The pregnancy hormone thing, you know.

Rachel – Really, I though that was just Monica.

Phoebe – Could be. Anyway, we're going to eat now. You wanna come, and then help us organize the baby stuff?

Rachel – Yeah! We'll be over in a few minutes.

Phoebe – Great! See you then!

(As Phoebe hangs up, we switch back to C&Ms apartment)

Joey – Monica, I know you're pregnant and everything, but can't you cool it on the hormone thing a little?  

Chandler – I know, really. Considering Ross and Rachel have been asleep since this morning, they're probably really wiped out.

Monica – What about us? We haven't been napping, we've been running around shopping all morning, and we're not tired! (Notices Phoebe sleeping on the couch) Phoebe!

Phoebe – What?

Monica – Wake up!

Phoebe – Oh, sorry. All that shopping really wiped me out!

Monica – Whatever! Okay, you guys want to do some more names until Ross and Rachel get here?

Joey – Do you promise not to throw stuff this time?

Scene: R&Rs apartment, they are getting ready to leave.

Ross – Rach, you about ready? We told Phoebe we'd be there five minutes ago! (To himself) What did they keep saying?

Rachel – I'm coming! I'm ready! (Grabs her purse) You got everything?

Ross – Yup. Let's go.

(They turn and open the door, but someone is standing there, just about to knock. Rachel and Ross are shocked to see that it's…)

Ross/Rachel – RICHARD!?!

Richard – Jack just told me.

Rachel – What? What are you talking about?

Richard – (Upset) About the baby. First she marries him, now they have to have a baby too?

Ross – Well, it's what Monica's always wanted. To have a husband and a bunch of kids.

Richard – I know! I just…I guess I kind of wish I were the one to give them to her.

Rachel – Well, you can't be Richard. She's moved on.

Richard – Yeah, I guess I'd better start too.

Rachel – Well, it's only been six years since you broke up, I guess you could start anytime now.

Ross – Sorry Richard, we're on our way out. We'll tell everyone you said hi.

Richard – That's just as well, I have an engagement party to go to for one of my patients. I don't know them all that well…

Ross – Oh, anyone we know?

Richard – Maybe. I don't know their last names, but their first names are…what was it? Oh, yes. Mark and Chloe. (He leaves)

(Ross and Rachel stare at each other in shock.)

All done with Chapter 5! Thank you for reading and PLEASE review! If it seems like they're not, don't worry, I AM going to get Ross and Rachel together!


	6. Exes in Reality

OK, Chapter 6: Many thanks to everyone who's reading this and everyone who reviewed! Also: those darned Friends are still not mine!

Continued from right after Richard left:

(Ross and Rachel stare at each other in shock)

Ross – Oh my god!

Rachel – Mark and Chloe!?! Together!?!

Ross – Unbelievable… Oh, well, I guess they kind of deserve each other. I still can't stand either of them.

Rachel – You were sure able to stand Chloe six years ago!

Ross – Yeah, well, as I remember it, you were pretty buddy-buddy with Mark!

Rachel – Wow. We sure have issues with the whole forgive and forget thing, don't we?

Ross – Guess so. We better get going, we're already late. (They leave)

Scene: C&Ms apartment:

Monica – All right! (Slams four playing cards onto a pile on the table) That's my last four cards! I win again!

Chandler – Okay, everybody raise your hand if you're surprised.

Joey – Monica, this is the fifth game of Go Fish you've won. After the eleven games of poker and two games of hearts. Give us a break!

Monica – Come on! We said we'd keep going until Ross and Rachel got here.

Phoebe – Just be glad we're not playing for money.

Monica – GREAT idea Pheebs! Come on, everybody in!

Chandler, Phoebe and Joey – NO!

(Ross and Rachel walk in)

Chandler, Phoebe and Joey – Finally/ Took you long enough/ You're just in time!

Ross – Hey guys, sorry we're late. We had a little surprise visit from Richard.

Chandler – (Muttering) The big tree.

(Everyone looks at him)

Chandler – I'm allowed to hate him! He only tried to steal my girlfriend when I was PROPOSING to her!

Joey – That was your fault man. You led her off on all that "I'm never getting married" crap.

Chandler – Well, it was still a surprise when it finally got done!

Monica – Well yeah, if I hadn't done it you would have been too old to walk down the aisle.

Phoebe – Stop arguing! Anyway, how is Richard?

Rachel – Well, I know Chandler will be pleased to know that he's absolutely miserable about this new baby.

Chandler – Yeah he is! In his face! Unless… are you planning to leave me for Richard the second the baby's born!?!

Monica – (Laughing) No, he had his chance. I love you.

Chandler – (Grinning) I love you too.

Monica – Aww! And I would NEVER leave you for Richard. I can't wait to have this baby with you.

Ross and Rachel – Awww!

Joey – Yea! We got nice Monica back!

Phoebe – I like this one better, but the other one is more fun…

Chandler – If we're gonna go, we'd better leave.

Joey – Okay, just let me go to my apartment and get the keys.

Ross – (Suddenly) Uh, yeah, I'll come with you. Chandler, you want to come too?

Chandler – No, I think two people can manage to catch one set of keys. (Ross gives him a look) Oh, THOSE keys! No, you definitely need three people for those! (The guys leave)

Phoebe – So what do you think they're talking about?

Monica – Who knows? Did Ross say anything to you, Rach?

Rachel – No, but he has been acting kind of weird. But I don't blame him, be both had really weird dreams.

Monica – Like what?

Rachel – It was the craziest thing! I dreamed that all these guys I've dated in the past suddenly showed up at the door, all at once!

Phoebe – How weird! And yet, how cool!

Rachel – I know! And then I woke up, and Ross had dreamed the exact same thing about all the women he's ever dated.

Monica – Wow. That's really out there.

Phoebe – I'm sure it means something. If I could just figure it out…

Monica – So were you and Ross in each other's dreams?

Rachel – No, that's the weird part. Even though we dated for like a year, I wasn't in his and he wasn't in mine.

Phoebe – I'm telling you, it's symbolic! I just can't figure out what…

Rachel – Ross has been acting really weird since, and I don't know why. He looks like he keeps trying to figure something out, and he just can't.

Scene – Joey's apartment:

Ross – I'm telling you, it was the weirdest dream I've ever had! And they all kept telling me something, and insisting it was true, and I just can't remember…

Chandler – That is pretty weird.

Joey – Tell me about it! The only dream I've had lately is the old one where I'm the king of the Sandwich Islands. (Duck starts quacking) Yes, you were there, as always. (To Ross and Chandler) He gets worried.

Chandler - …Anyway. This probably means something, we just have to figure out what.

Ross – Okay.

Chandler – Now, did you feel particularly attached to any of them?

Ross – No, they hadn't exactly changed for the better.

Chandler – None of them? Not even Rachel?

Ross – No. Actually, Rachel wasn't even there.

Chandler – Wow. Now that's weird.

Ross – Tell me about it.

Joey – What were the women wearing?

Ross – What difference does that make?!?

Joey – Well, if they looked hot, you clearly still want them!

Ross – I do not!

Joey – Dude, by denying it, you're pretty much admitting it.

Ross – How does that work! No! I do not want them!

Chandler – That's enough! Do you want to figure out what the dream meant or not!

Ross – I honestly don't care. I just really want to know what they kept saying…

(AN: If it's not clear, they kept insisting that Ross was still in love with Rachel)

Chandler – So you can't remember anything about what they said?

Ross – No. All I remember is…

Joey – What?

Ross – I just remember thinking sometimes that maybe…maybe they were right.

Scene – The Restaurant (You pick one):

Rachel – So what kind of stuff did you get for the baby?

Chandler – Oh, it's great. We got a little crib with a matching changing table and a rocking chair, and we got a swing…

Monica - …A car seat, some bottles, some bibs…

Phoebe - …Stuffed animals and blankies…

Joey - …Hot salesclerk's phone number… (Everyone stares at him) Sorry.

Ross – Anyway, are you going to set the spare bedroom up into a nursery?

Monica – Yeah! We're going to paint it a nice pale green, so it'll work whether the baby's a boy or a girl, and the furniture is all white, and we're going to decorate it with the cutest little comforter with matching curtains, and it's going to look so great!

Rachel – That sounds wonderful! Let me know if you need any help.

Ross – Okay, have you decided on a name yet?

Monica – Yeah, we narrowed it down to Daniel, Matthew and Chase if it's a boy…

Chandler – And Rosie, Kim and Annie if it's a girl.

Rachel – Aww…

Phoebe – They didn't take my suggestions.

Ross – Well, what did you say?

Phoebe – Your basic strong kid names. Cougar, Lion, Buffalo, Shark and Chimpanzee to name a few… Oh! Maybe when Ross, Rachel and Joey have more kids they can do those names!

Rachel – Honey, I think you should save those names for your own kids.

Phoebe – Okay, but I'm gonna have to have like fifty kids to use them all up.

Monica – Wow, I love the band, aren't they great?

(Band finishes their song, and everyone claps)

Bandleader – Thank you! I hope you're all having a great evening. I just want to make a short announcement, then we'll go back to playing. At this large party over here…(He indicates a huge table full of people)…there are two people celebrating their recent engagement. I know they'll be very happy in the future, just like they're very happy now.

(The Friends smile at each other)

Bandleader – So I'd like everyone to raise their glasses to the happy couple…Mark Anthony and Chloe Valentine! (Everyone claps)

(The Friends look at each other in shock)

Joey – THE Mark and Chloe!?!

Ross – Oh yeah, there was one more thing that Richard mentioned…

Monica – What?

Rachel – That he was going to an engagement party for Mark and Chloe.

Phoebe – Oh my god!

Rachel – Well, we never thought it would be here!

Chandler – Wait. RICHARD is here? THE Richard?

(From across the room) – Monica!

Chandler – Oh, crap.

Richard – Monica! (Makes his way over) Monica! I had no idea you'd be here!

Monica – (Uncomfortable) Well, right back at you!

Richard – So… congratulations. Your father told me about the baby.

Monica – Oh, tha-

Chandler – Yes, thank you Richard, we're very happy, don't you think you should be getting back to your party now?

Richard – Oh no, it's fine, I really don't even know the couple that well-

(From across the room) – Dinosaur Guy?

Joey – Hey, it's Chloe!

Chloe – Hey guys! Wow, long time no see!

Everyone but Richard – Uh huh…

Chloe – Well, you all look like you're doing great! Especially you Ross, have you been working out?

Ross – Um…yes, I have…

Chloe – Well, keep it up! You look great! And you! You must be Rachel! Hi, I'm-

Rachel – Chloe. Yes, I know.

Chloe – Cool. You know, when Isaac told me you guys broke up, I almost felt responsible-

Rachel – Really! Now why would you have thought that!

(From across the room) – Rachel?

Chandler – Anyone else having fun?

Mark – Oh my god, Rachel! Wow, I haven't seen you in forever!

Ross – Yes yes, we know.

Mark – Oh, hey Ross. So, Rachel. How have you been? Still working at Bloomingdale's?

Rachel – Oh no, actually I transferred to Ralph Lauren.

Mark – That's great! I'm working in the Victoria's Secret store on 5th Avenue right now, that's where I met Chloe.

Monica – Yeah, congratulations by the way.

Phoebe, Joey and Chandler – Oh yes, congratulations!

Chloe – Thanks! Well, we'd better get going. It was great seeing you all again!

Rachel – Yeah, great!

Mark – Bye everyone, take care!

Ross – Oh yeah, you…you take care too Mark!

Richard – I'd better go too. Good-bye everyone.

Everyone – Bye Richard.

Richard – (Leaves with Mark and Chloe)

Chandler – Big tree.

All done! Yea! I will try to post the next chapter (which will probably be the last) soon. Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing! See you next time! (I wasn't sure about Mark and Chloe's last names, were they ever mentioned on the show? I don't think Chloe's was, but I thought Mark's might have been…I wasn't sure.)


	7. The Dream Question

Okay, I lied. This isn't the last chapter, but the next one will be! However, this IS the chapter that all R&R supporters have been waiting for! Thanks for all your reviews as usual, they're so helpful! Sorry about Mark's last name, thanks to Cress for pointing it out. I almost caught the Friends last week, but sadly, they escaped, so they are still not mine. I'll shut up now. Here you go:

Scene: R&Rs apartment, Ross's bedroom. He is thinking out loud.

Ross – God, this is driving me crazy. What were they saying? What? Okay…Oh! Elizabeth told them that I had married Rachel…Why did she do that? Okay, back to the point Dr. Geller!… Then Emily asked why I hadn't gotten divorced sooner, and then…what?

(Starts pacing back and forth)

Ross – I can't remember it! Any of it! I remember thinking they might have been right. I remember thinking that a lot… (realizes) Oh my god! That's it! Emily asked why I hadn't divorced Rachel sooner, and Bonnie said I was still in love with her! That's it! Yes!…Oh my god! I'm still in love with Rachel!

Scene: R&Rs living room, phone is ringing.

Rachel – (Comes out of her bedroom and picks up the phone) Hello?

Phoebe – Rachel? It's me!

Rachel – Phoebe, what are you doing? It's like two in the morning!

Phoebe – I know! I just had to call and tell you!

Rachel – Tell me what?

Phoebe – I figured out what the dreams meant!

Rachel – Pheebs, I'm so tired! Can't you just tell me tomorrow?

Phoebe – Uh, no. So you and Ross both dreamed that all your past lovers showed up, but your subconscious left each other out, right?

Rachel – Um, yeah…ok.

Phoebe – Well then, it's so easy! You're obviously still in love with each other!

Rachel – WHAT!?!?

Phoebe – It's so obvious! You miss each other and want to get back together!

(Rachel doesn't notice Ross come out of his room)

Rachel – Phoebe, we do not! Yes, what Ross and I had was great, but it's not like that anymore!

Phoebe – But Rachel-

Rachel – No! I am not going to go down that path again! Look, we just don't love each other anymore! You have to accept that.

(Ross looks incredibly hurt. He doesn't see Rachel has tears streaming down her cheeks)

Phoebe – Okay Rachel. If that's what you want to believe, I'll let you. For now. But eventually, you're going to have to admit that it's true. (Hangs up)

(Ross goes back to his room, looking upset)

Rachel – (Quietly) One of us doesn't love the other anymore. But the other one does… God, I love him so much. (Laughs) Why do I always need Phoebe to make me realize it?

Scene: C&Ms apartment, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe and Joey are there.

Phoebe – It didn't work. I told her all about my theory, and she insisted it wasn't true.

Chandler – Maybe we should tell her my theory about dog food being healthier than broccoli, then she might be more open to yours. 

Monica – I just wish they wouldn't be so stubborn! They're driving me crazy.

Chandler – And we all know it takes so much effort to do that!

Joey – I just wish there was something we could do…

Monica – NO. I have faith in Ross and Rachel, and I think they're going to find each other. But they need to do it without our help.

Phoebe – Well, us staying out of it hasn't always been a good idea in the past. Remember when Ross married Emily? We kept our mouths shut even though she was, like, this psycho, non-trusting freak, and it still ended badly. Maybe even worse.

Chandler – No guys, Monica's right. They need to do this without us.

Joey – Fine, but if it takes more than a year, I'm getting Rachel drunk so she can leave another message on his answering machine!

Phoebe – Or, you know, while we're at it, we can just get Ross drunk too and they'll get married again!

Chandler – Yeah! This time, when they wake up, they might just not want to make the effort of another divorce and stay married!

Monica – Fine, we'll do something that does NOT involve getting them drunk, but only if it takes forever.

Chandler – Actually, I have an idea…

Scene: R&Rs apartment. Rachel is on the couch.

Rachel – God, I hate it when this happens! Why does Phoebe always have to be right when it comes to Ross and me? Oh well, at least he's not getting married this time…Oh my god, what if he's getting married?!?

Ross – (entering) Rachel? I want to tell you something…

Rachel – You're getting married, aren't you!

Ross – No, I…(looks worried) Uh oh…I hope not…

Rachel – Okay. What did you want to tell me?

Ross – It's just…Have you been crying?

Rachel – Oh! No, it's just, um, I was chopping onions.

Ross – You expect me to believe that you cooked?

Rachel – Yeah! Where did you think that snack came from?

Ross – From a bag labeled "Oreo"? If you're putting onions in your cookies, we might have to get you checked at the doctor.

Rachel – (Smiling) At your pediatrician?

Ross – I told, you, I don't go there anymore!

Rachel – Anyway, what did you what to tell me?

Ross – Oh, right, that. Uh, Rach, I know you don't feel the same way about me, but…

Rachel – What?

Ross – (Nervous) Well, I, uh, figured out the thing in the dream!

Rachel – Oh, that's good! What was it?

Ross – Well, they, uh, kept saying, um, that I was still in love with you.

Rachel – Well, that's crazy! Isn't it?

Ross – (Pauses)

Scene: C&Ms apartment

Chandler – So what do you guys think?

Phoebe – Brilliant! That's perfect!

Joey – Yeah, great thinking!

Phoebe – Come on Monica, let us do it! It's not really interfering!

Joey – And we're not getting them drunk!

Monica – Well…okay. We'll wait a few minutes to make sure the moment's perfect…

Chandler – And then I'll do it!

Joey – Why does Chandler get to do it?

Chandler – Because it was my idea!

Joey – Oh! Just asking.

Scene: R&Rs apartment, continued from earlier.

Ross – (Pauses) Well…

Rachel – Oh my god. It's not crazy?

Ross – No. It's the opposite of crazy. It's very true.

Rachel – Oh my god. It's true…the opposite of crazy…what?

Ross – Okay, look. I love you Rach. I realized it when I thought about the dream. Dream Bonnie was absolutely right. I have always loved you. And I don't care if you don't feel the same way about me, I just had to get it out.

Rachel – Whoa! Who said I don't feel the same way about you?

Ross – Come on Rachel, I heard you talking to Phoebe. You said there was no way we would ever get back together…

Rachel – Oh my god, you heard that? I'm sorry…I didn't mean any of it! I mean, I didn't think we would ever get back together, but I did love you…I do love you…I just didn't think you felt the same, so I didn't say anything.

Ross – Really? Wow. Us and our stupid pride. We never say anything.

Rachel – I know. Well, we did this time.

Ross – Yes. And there's no one to get in our way. No Italian guys-

Rachel – Or British control freaks-

Ross – Or ex-fiances-

Rachel – Or cat-loving paleontologists-

Ross – Or Bloomingdale's co-workers-

Rachel – Or copy girls. (They both laugh)

Ross – Nope. Just us. In reality, anyway…

Rachel – Yep. Nobody else. At least, until Emma comes home tomorrow…

Ross – So, we have the night to ourselves.

Rachel – (Suddenly quiet) Yes we do.

(They move closer and closer… until finally, they kiss)

Scene: C&Ms apartment

Chandler – (Hanging up the phone) I did it.

Phoebe – Great. You guys want to go watch?

Monica – You know, we probably shouldn't, it's going to be this nice, private moment…

Joey – So what are we waiting for?

Scene: Back to R&Rs

(They are still kissing when the song on the radio stops and the announcer comes on)

Announcer – Hey! This is dedicated to a very special couple that their friends hope will always be together. Here we go.

("With or Without You" begins to play. Ross and Rachel break)

Ross – Hey!

Rachel – Oh my god! How perfect is that!

Ross – You don't think…

(They go to the window and open the curtain to reveal the other four across the street staring at them through the window. They quickly duck, causing Ross and Rachel to crack up.)

Rachel – I can't believe them! That was so great!

Ross – Always be together.

Rachel – Yes. Always.

(They kiss again, and we see Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey cheering)

Rachel – (Breaks) Wait! What about all that "We were on a break" crap? Won't we just start it up again?

Ross – Well, I think you described it very well as "crap". But I for one am willing to forget about it.

Rachel – You're right. Let's pretend it never happened.

Ross – It doesn't matter anyway. We weren't really on a break…

Rachel – (Smiling) Yes, we were.

Ross – (Laughs) No, we weren't!

Rachel – Yes we were! (They crack up and kiss again)

Scene: The next morning, very early. C&Ms apartment. There is an urgent knock on the door.

Chandler – (Comes out of the bedroom) Coming! (Looks at his watch) Six am! Jeez… (opens the door)

Person – Well hello Chandler Bing!!! Hahahahahahaha!

Chandler – (Slams the door shut) Oh my god! (Pinches himself on the arm) Ow! Damnit!

Heehee! Hopefully you all got who was at the door. Thanks a lot for reading this, and PLEASE take a few seconds and review it. The next chapter really WILL be the last one, I'll post it soon! 

Chandler – I win, you suck, Holland loves Chandler thank you Amsterdam good night!!


	8. The End

FINALE!!! Yea! Wow, I can't believe I'm finally done…sorry it took so long, by the way. To everybody who has reviewed this story, thank you SO MUCH! For those of you who haven't, please review this chapter! I don't know why I'm still talking, no one reads these things anyway. 

By the way: I do NOT own the Friends. I never have, and I never will. (I am past the denial point! Yea!) Sorry, I get hyper…I am now shutting up.

Chapter 8

Scene: Continuing from last chapter…

Monica – (Runs in) Chandler? What's the matter?

Chandler – (Frantically points at the door) It's her! It's her!

Monica – Who?

Chandler – Janice!

Monica – Oh my god!

Chandler – Exactly! Okay, she already saw me, but she doesn't know you're here. So you do that Irish accent, call through the door, and tell her that the Bings no longer live here and she must be hallucinating!

Monica – Chandler, I don't have an Irish accent.

Chandler – Maybe not when you're awake, but you use it all the time when you're sleeping!

Monica – Whatever! Just open the door!

Chandler – No! She might still be there!

Janice – (Through the door) Hello!!!!!!!

Chandler – See!

Monica – I know! But this is Janice! Do you really think she's going to go away?

Chandler – Yeah, I guess…(Opens the door) Oh look! It's Janice!

Janice – How rude Chandler Bing, you just slammed the door in my face! At least you're not rolling me off the bed anymore, hahahahahahahahaha!

Monica – Hey Janice. How are you?

Janice – Monica! Oh, I am just great, and from the looks of this apartment, you are too!

Monica – What do you mean?

Janice – Well, you've gotten over the compulsive neatness, haven't you? I mean look! That pillow isn't perfectly aligned with the others, the corner of the rug is folded over, and there's a little pile of crumbs on the kitchen counter.

Monica - …oh my god!!!

Chandler – You had to tell her, didn't you…

Monica – Chandler! Oh my god! I was so wrapped up in everything last night, I forgot to give the apartment it's p.m. cleaning!

Chandler – Because a.m. and noon apparently aren't enough.

Monica – Chandler, I have to do it now! Get me the mop! Go go go!

Chandler – Honey, I don't think it's good for you to act like this all the time! And I highly doubt it's good for the baby either!

Janice – Hahahahahahahaha!! (The Laugh)

Chandler – What?

Janice – Oh my god, are you serious? Commitment-phobic Chandler is having a baby?

Monica – Yes he is.

Janice – And he's not freaking out?

Monica – No, he's not! …Are you?

Chandler – Of course not!

(Joey comes in the door)

Joey – Hey guys. (Sees Janice) Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Janice – Hello Joey!

Joey – Oh my god, Janice! What the heck are you doing here?

Chandler – It's six a.m., and Janice stopped by for a little visit!

Joey – Whoa…I'm getting out of here!

(Turns and runs toward the door, but Phoebe comes in, blocking him)

Phoebe – Hey, Joey, what- Oh! HI Janice, I was wondering when you'd show up.

Monica, Chandler, Joey and Janice – What?

Phoebe – Oh, I saw my new psychic yesterday, and she told me that someone from the past who we thought we would never see again would make an appearance. At first I thought it might be Emily or someone, but when she came in the dream, I thought no way, because it would just be too weird.

Monica – Okay then! You guys want breakfast?

Janice – Oh I would love some Monica, thank you!

Monica – Okay Janice! But we have to hurry, Chandler and I have a doctor's appointment in like an hour.

Chandler – Oh right! THAT doctor's appointment! 

Monica – No, Chandler, we seriously do.

Chandler – I knew that.

Janice – Okay, but first, I really have to use your bathroom, nature called about an hour ago, but there were no bathrooms on the subway, and-

Monica – Okay, Janice! Right this way!

(Janice goes into the bathroom)

Joey – Oh my god! She's back!

Chandler – You think we don't know that?!?

Monica – What the heck is she doing here!

Phoebe – Oh please, it was only a matter of time before she tried to steal Chandler back.

Monica – WHAT?

Phoebe – Come on! Chandler and Janice had this weirdo thing going for a couple of years, and she still wants him back! She's convinced he's her lobster!

Chandler – Monica, please keep her away from me.

(Ross and Rachel come in)

Phoebe – Speaking of lobsters…

Ross and Rachel – Hey!

Monica – Hi! Oh my god! (Runs and hugs them)

Ross – Thanks Mon.

Rachel – Yeah, and thanks for the thing on the radio last night, everyone.

Joey – What thing on the radio?

Ross – Joey, it's okay. We know it was you.

Joey – How? Did the guy say something he wasn't supposed to say?

Monica – Joey, it's okay. They can know.

Joey – Okay.

Janice – (Coming in) Hey everybody! Hey! It's Ross and Rachel!

Rachel – Oh my god! Janice!

Chandler – Oh, we didn't mention our little visitor?

Ross – No, I'm afraid you didn't.

Chandler – Well, now you know!

Janice – Oh my god, Ross and Rachel! You two look great! Are you together?

Ross – (Smiling at Rachel) Yeah, we are.

Janice – Aw, I always knew it would happen. Hey, Chandler owes me five bucks! Hahahahaha!

Rachel – Chandler what?

Janice – We made a bet years ago. I bet that you two would be together someday, and Chandler said it would never happen!

Ross – Chandler!

Chandler – What! Those were my bitter days! When I didn't believe in love! You know, before Mon and I got together.

Monica – Aw!

Chandler – (Whispering) Plus, you know, I never thought she would be around to collect it!

Janice – Okay! Well! When are we eating? I'm pretty hungry, I had a long night, if you know what I mean, hahahahahaha! Right Joey?

Joey – (Eyes wide) Uh…what?

Janice – I'm just kidding! Janice likes to have her fun, yes she does! Hahahaha!

Monica – Janice, that's it! No!

Janice – What?

Monica – No! I won't let you take Chandler!

Janice – WHAT? Monica, what are you talking about? Me and Chandler were years ago! I've moved on! Heck, I've been over him since my Bing-a-ling went to Yemen!

Phoebe – You mean, you don't want Chandler back? Wow, my radar is really on the fritz today.

Janice – No! Can't a girl come for a visit with some old friends? Heck, I'm over Chandler and Ross both!

Rachel – Good.

Janice – Although there is one more door I haven't knocked on. (Winks at Joey)

Joey – (Nods his head like he gets the joke, then looks at everyone with his eyes popping out)

Monica – Well, look at that! We're late for our appointment! Come on Chandler.

Janice – Yeah, I guess I'd better go. It was great seeing you all again! And Joey, I will see you tonight! (leaves)

Joey – No! Don't let her take me! I'd rather die! Call Buffy! I need a bodyguard!

Chandler – See, I'd call, but it's past midnight in Sunnydale, and the vampires cut the phone lines.

Joey – They what? Will Buffy stop them?

Monica – Chandler, come on!

Time lapse: Rachel, Phoebe, Joey and Emma are there

Rachel – Mommy's so glad you're back from grandma's!

Emma – Mama.

Rachel – Very good! You guys, this is so amazing! She's talking all the time now.

Joey – So what? I do that.

Phoebe – That's impressive too.

Rachel – Hey Emma! Mommy loves you so much! And daddy does too!

Emma – Dada.

Rachel – Very good! And so do Aunt Phoebe, Uncle Joey, Uncle Chandler and Aunt Monica!

Emma – Coaster.

(Rachel looks at Phoebe and Joey in shock)

Rachel – My baby!

Ross – (entering) Hey, what's up?

Rachel – Ross! Our daughter is turning into Monica!

Ross – What?

Emma – Coaster.

Ross – Aah!

Phoebe – Hey, cool! Emma! Can you say "smelly cat"?

Rachel – Phoebe!

Joey – Hey Emma! Say, "Uncle Chandler has no"-

Ross – All right Joey!

Rachel – We have to keep her away from Monica! Or when she's five she'll start pushing our feet off the beds and cleaning up while we're in the bathroom!

Ross – Sweetie, calm down! It's okay! Just because Emma is imitating Monica doesn't mean she'll end up like her. She could imitate all of us and it wouldn't mean anything!

Emma – Stegosaurus.

Ross – Oh my god, she's going to be a paleontologist!

Rachel – You just said it doesn't mean anything!

Ross – Aw, what the heck do I know.

Phoebe – Okay Emma, copy the geek.

Emma – Floopy.

Phoebe – Oh my god! She likes me!

Joey – I feel left out.

Rachel – Okay Emma, time for your nap! (Carries her out)

Rachel – (Whispers) Ralph Lauren, Ralph Lauren! Come on!

(Exit)

Ross – Hey, you guys! Check this out. (Takes a jewelry box from his pocket)

Phoebe – Aw, how sweet! Ross, you shouldn't have.

Ross – I didn't. It's for Rachel. (He opens it and we see a beautiful ring)

Joey – Oh my god!

Phoebe – Ross!

Ross – I know.

Phoebe – Oh, that is so great for you guys!

Joey – So this means a wedding?

Ross – As long as Rachel says yes.

Joey – Good. Weddings mean cake.

Phoebe – If she says no, can I have the ring?

Ross – NO, Phoebe!

Phoebe – God, first Chandler now you? Nobody wants me to have a ring.

Ross – It doesn't matter, she's going to say yes! And don't say anything, because I want to surprise her.

Joey – Okay, just remember to say, "Rachel" when you're proposing.

Ross – I'm not that stupid Joe!

Joey – Heck, you did it once!

Phoebe – Yeah, maybe it would help if you got her drunk!

Ross – NO, I'm not going to-

Rachel – (Coming in) Hey, guys.

Ross – Hi Rachel!

Rachel – Hey, Emma just went to sleep, so we should wake her up around one-thirty.

Ross – Okay. Hey, by the way, do you want to go out to dinner tonight?

Rachel – Oh, that sounds great, but I don't know, Emma just got back.

Phoebe – Oh, we'll watch Emma no problem.

Joey – Pheebs! The Knicks are on tonight.

Phoebe – Monica, Chandler and I will watch Emma no problem.

Rachel – Okay, great!

Ross – Good. So, what do you guys want to do now?

Joey – Let's eat. I'm starving!

Phoebe – I'm not really hungry right now…

Joey – We could play strip poker!

Ross – Joey, we are going to say no every time you say that, so you might as well stop!

Rachel – Why don't we just watch a movie? I vote Dangerous Liasons!

Ross – We can watch Weekend at Bernie's if you want…

Rachel – Aw!

Ross - …but I vote Jurassic Park!

Phoebe – No! Lets watch Old Yeller! But could we stop it early?

Joey – Any porn movie will work.

Ross, Rachel and Phoebe – NO.

(Monica and Chandler run in)

Monica – IT'S A GIRL! IT'S A GIRL!!!

(Everyone yells in excitement and hugs)

Ross – But wait, didn't you already see a video of it?

Chandler – Yes, but apparently they couldn't tell before because of its position. Now they can. 

Rachel – Oh my god! A little girl! She's going to grow up just like Monica!

Monica – I know!

Chandler – Uh oh.

Monica – In eight months, Emma's going to have a little playmate!

Phoebe – I feel left out.

Ross – What are you talking about, you've had three kids.

Phoebe – Not ones I could keep!

Joey – Hang in there Pheebs, you'll get some.

Ross – This is so exciting, I'm going to have a niece!

Monica – I know! I have to call Mom!

Rachel – You find out you're having a baby girl, and the first thing you do is call your mother?

Monica – Hey, I'm married and I'm having a kid. I'm one up on Ross!

Ross – Okay, Phoebe, if you can watch Emma, Rachel and I are going to go get ready.

Rachel – Oh, okay. Bye everyone! (Rachel and Ross leave)

Chandler – Where are Ross and Rachel going?

Joey – To dinner.

Monica – Oh, maybe we can all go.

Phoebe – NO.

Chandler – Why not?

Joey – We're not supposed to say.

Phoebe – But it involves Ross, Rachel, a restaurant, and a ring.

Monica – Oh my god! Is Ross proposing!

Phoebe – YES!

Joey – Pheebs! Ross'll kill us!

Phoebe – What? We didn't say anything. They guessed!

Chandler – This is so great, this means another wedding!

Joey – I know! And cake.

Phoebe – And hey! I get to be Rachel's maid of honor!

Monica – WHAT? Why?

Phoebe – Because she was yours. Remember the deal?

Monica – Oh, yeah. Damnit!

Scene: The restaurant. (AN: Yes, I did get this from TOW The Proposal. It is not mine.)

Rachel – Oh, it's so nice to have dinner out, just the two of us.

Ross – I know. This is an amazing restaurant, isn't it!

Rachel – I love this place. You know that!

Ross – That's why we came here. So, are you all right? Perfect? A-ok?

Rachel – Actually, it is a little chilly in here. Can I wear your jacket?

Ross – Oh, sure. (Gives it to her)

Rachel – Thanks.

Waiter – Here's your wine, sir.

Ross – Oh, thank you. (Pours two glasses)

Rachel – Thanks.

Ross – (Clears his throat) Um, Rachel?

Rachel – Yeah?

Ross – Look, We've known each other practically our whole lives, and I've been in love with you since ninth grade typing.

Rachel – I know, and I've been in love with you ever since I found out eleven years later.

Ross – Yeah, I know. Anyway, my point is, I have never known anybody else that I could imagine spending my life with, except for you.

Rachel – (Touched) Oh…

Ross – So, Rachel, without anymore of my incessant babbling…(Reaches for his pocket for the ring and discovers it's missing.) Uh oh…I…(Realizes he gave the jacket to Rachel) Oh, man.

Rachel – What's wrong?

Ross – Could I have my jacket for just a minute, please?

Rachel – Oh, why? Are you cold?

Ross – No, no, there's just something in the pocket I really need, so…

Rachel – Oh! Well, just tell me which pocket, I'll get it for you.

Ross – No, I can get it, just let me see.

Rachel – No, wait, is it this pocket? (Feels the ring box) Wait, what…(Pulls it out) Oh my god.

Ross – Well, there goes my gallant surprise.

Rachel – Ross…

Ross – Here, let me see. (He takes the box) So, once again. Rachel Karen Greene, I have loved you for years and can't see myself spending my life with any other woman. (Gets down on one knee) Will you marry me?

Rachel – Oh my god…Ross, I…

Just kidding! I would never leave you people hanging like that!

Rachel – Ross, I…Yes.

Ross – I'm sorry, what? 

Rachel – Yes! Yes, I'll marry you!

Ross – Oh my god! (They hug, and the entire restaurant, who has been listening, applauds)

Scene – M&Cs apartment, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey are there.

Monica – I wonder how it went.

Chandler – Oh, I'm sure Ross won't screw it up.

Monica – No, I meant, I wonder how it went when my mom got my message. I'm not having my baby out of wedlock!

Joey – Man, Ross and Rachel should be back by now! What's the matter with them?

Phoebe – You're just mad because you missed the Knicks game.

Joey – Well, you won't let me watch it here, and it smells in my apartment!

Chandler – Well, that'll teach you to mix alcohol with the chick's diarrhea medicine.

Joey – Well, they shouldn't make it green. It's too tempting.

Phoebe – Oh, so that's what Emma was playing with earlier.

Monica – WHAT?

Phoebe – Well, in my defense, it looked like Play-Dough.

Chandler – No one mention this to Ross and Rachel.

Ross – (Coming in with Rachel) No one mention what to Ross and Rachel?

Monica – You guys! How'd it go?

Rachel – (Innocently) Well…

Ross – Who's getting married!?!?!

Phoebe – Oh! Fun! Um… Brad Pitt!

Rachel – No, he's already married…

Phoebe – Okay… oh! Catherine Zeta-Jones!

Ross – Also already married, with a baby.

Phoebe – Okay, fine. 

Chandler – Let me save you some time, Pheebs. Ross and Rachel.

Phoebe – Why would you think that?

Rachel – Because WE'RE ENGAGED!!

Monica – OH MY GOD!!!! (Group hug…they've been doing a lot of that lately)

Ross – This is great, everybody's happy!

Monica – I know!

Chandler – Could we BE any happier?

Rachel – I doubt it (Smiles at Ross)

Joey – We'll always be together.

Phoebe – (Eyes wide) Until Rachel and Ross move to Scarsdale and Chandler and Monica move to San Francisco and you go to LA and leave me all alone here to live with the ghost of Albino Bob!

All - …WHAT?

Phoebe – Sorry, what?

Time Lapse: Later, M&Cs apartment, someone knocks at the door.

Chandler – Coming! (He opens the door) Janice, what are you doing back here?

Janice – Everything Monica said was true, Chandler. I do want you back. Monica's not good enough for you. Run away with me! (Grabs Chandler and kisses him)

Cut to: M&Cs bedroom, Monica sits up.

Monica – NO! Chandler! (Looks around.) Oh my god, now me? Must be the water… (Goes back to sleep)

FINISHED! Ha! I did it! Okay, that was it (Unless I get pleas for an epilogue…just ask!) Thank a lot for reading, and PLEASE review…I don't care if you hated it, just let me know. THANK YOU!!!!!


	9. Epilogue

SPRRY FOR THE LATENESS, I'VE BEEN OUT OF TOWN!!!!!

Hi!! I just saw the season finale, and I'm kind of freaking out right now… I'm okay! anyway, thank you so much for reviewing the last chapter! Heck, thank you for reviewing the whole thing! Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN FRIENDS. If I did, Rachel and Joey wouldn't have just kissed.

Eight Months Later…

Monica – AH! CHANDLER!!

Chandler – It's okay, Monica. Just breathe.

Monica – Chandler! After this is over with, I will personally KILL you! Because you are the one who is putting me through all this pain!

Chandler – Calm down, sweetie. You know it's just the drugs talking.

Monica – I'M NOT ON DRUGS!

Doctor – Don't worry sir, wives threaten their husbands all the time as they go through labor. It's completely normal.

Chandler – Okay then. So how do you explain it the rest of the time?

Ross – Doctor, how's she doing?

Doctor – Well… Monica, you're at nine and a half centimeters. In about ten minutes, you might have to start pushing.

Monica – No! I've decided I like it in there. Heck, she probably likes it in there too! Lets just leave her in…

Ross – Mon, just calm down, and I'm going to go and tell everyone else, okay? (Leaves)

Scene: The Waiting Room.

Ross – Hey guys.

Rachel – How is she?

Ross – Good. She's at nine centimeters right now.

Phoebe – And a half.

Ross – How did you know that?

Phoebe – Um, no reason…I mean, I didn't climb through the vents again or anything, no way.

Rachel – I still can't believe they won't let us in! Even if mere friends aren't allowed, I'm her sister-in-law! And they should let me in so I can pick up some pointers.

Ross – You have plenty of time Rach, you have like seven months left!

Rachel – (Smiling) I know…but still!

Phoebe – Hey! Maybe when you're in there screaming at Ross I'll be out here wondering how I'm gonna do it in seven months!

Ross – Yeah. Wait, Pheebs, are you…

Phoebe – Oh no. No, of course not. No way, not me. Nu-uh! (Smiles and twists the engagement band on her ring finger)

Rachel – Oh Ross, we need to get those thank-you cards sent to your cousins, remember, they just sent us that ice-cream maker for a belated wedding present.

Ross – Yeah, the fifth one we've gotten so far.

Scene: Hospital Room.

Doctor – Okay, Monica. You're at ten centimeters. Time to start pushing.

Monica – Oh, man!

Chandler – Come on Monica! You can do it!

Monica – Aaah! Get away from me!

Chandler – Our daughter's gonna grow up just like you…great!

Doctor – Come on Monica, I can see the head!

Chandler – Oh, you can see it! Oh my gosh! (Whispers) Is it supposed to look like that?

Rachel – (Running in) They let me in!

Ross – Yeah, if anyone asks, she's our sister.

Chandler – Hey you two, that's incest!

Monica – OH MY GOD!!!

Rachel – Wow. Was I this bad?

Chandler – Come on sweetie, you can do it!

Doctor – Come on Monica, I can see the shoulders.

Monica – I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! GET IT OUT OF ME!

Rachel – Oh my god, get it out of her, get it out of her!

Doctor – Miss, please calm down, you're not helping!

Ross – Come on Mon!

Chandler – You can do it honey!  
  


Doctor – Monica, just one more push.

Monica – SHUT UP AND GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!!

Rachel – Oh, I can't stand this!

Monica – I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN, CHANDLER!

Chandler – Good, neither am I.

Doctor – That's it Monica, just one push and…yes! You did it.

Monica – Really? I'm done?

Doctor – Yes. You had a baby girl.

Monica – Aw! (Doctor hands it to her) Hi, baby! I'm your Mommy.

Ross – Hey Rach, can I talk to you outside for a sec?

Rachel – Of course (They leave)

Scene: The Hall.

Ross – Look, I just wanted to ask you…

Rachel – What?

Ross – Well, I've been looking through the Times listings for houses in Scarsdale, and there's one that looks really good, and I was thinking… you know, we do have our second kid on the way, and we used to always talk about it, so…do you want to move to Scarsdale?

Rachel – Ross.

Ross – What?

Rachel – Don't you get it by now? Ross, I would move with you to the end of the world, just to be with you. As long as I'm with you, nothing else matters.

Ross – Really?

Rachel – Yes. I think moving to Scarsdale is a great idea. Heck, I'd move to China to dig for fossils if you wanted me to.

Ross – Really?

Rachel – Probably not. I love you.

Ross – I love you too. (They kiss… yea)

Scene: Waiting room.

Ross and Rachel enter.

Ross – Hey Pheebs.

Phoebe – Oh! What's happening?

Rachel – She had it.

Phoebe – Oh! I can't believe I missed it! And where the heck is Joey?

Joey – (Running in) I'm here! I'm here! Whew! 

Phoebe – You made it!

Joey – Yeah, I'm really sorry. Speilburg totally held up my scene with Angelina.

Phoebe – As long as you're here…

Joey – Gosh Pheebs, stop playing with the ring! I spent a lot of money on it!

Phoebe – I know. (Kisses him)

Ross – Well, they're letting us in now, if you guys want to see the baby…

Joey – What baby? There's a baby already? We just got engaged yesterday!

Rachel – No, Monica and Chandler's baby!

Joey – I knew that.

Scene: Hospital Room, all are there:

Rachel – Oh my god…I can't believe we have another little baby.

Chandler – I know.

Monica – Isn't she gorgeous?

Chandler – Just like you.

Phoebe – Hey Mon, this whole thing is pretty painful, huh?

Monica – Naw, it wasn't that bad.

Chandler – Does this mean you're not going to kill me?

Ross – So, have you picked out a name yet?

Monica – We have.

Joey – Ooh! What is it?

Rachel – Yeah, and please don't say you took Joey's suggestion.

Phoebe – What? I like Sarah Michelle.

Rachel – Already taken.

Ross – They should throw out those "Buffy" DVDs.

Monica – It doesn't matter, that's not her name.

Joey – Her? I thought the baby was a boy.

Chandler – Thanks Joe. Everybody, meet Kathy Janice Bing…

All – WHAT?

Chandler – Just kidding! Her name is Amelia Sara Bing.

All – Aw…

Ross – Hey Amelia.

Rachel – Hi. 

Phoebe – You look just like your Aunt Phoebe!

Rachel – Everyone, Ross and I have an announcement.

Joey – What?

Ross – Rachel, Emma and I are moving to Scarsdale.

Monica – What?

Chandler – When?

Phoebe – Why?

Rachel – Sometime before this little one is born. It's what we've always wanted…and now that we're all settled in and happy, the time seems right.

Joey – Wow. You're coming back for Pheeb's and my wedding, right?

Ross – Joey, of course! Scarsdale is only a couple of hours away.

Joey – I can't take it…so many changes…

Phoebe – So if somebody had something life-altering to tell you, would you rather that they did it now so you could deal with it along with everything else?

Joey – I guess so…good thing no one does, though.

Phoebe – Joey. I'm pregnant.

Monica – What!

Rachel – Phoebe!

Ross – Oh my gosh!  
  


Chandler – Congratulations!

Phoebe – Joey?

Joey – Oh…my…god.

Chandler – (Turns around) Where?

Joey – Pheebs…that's great!

Phoebe – Really?

Joey – Yes, of course! I'm so happy! (They hug)

Rachel – Wow. Now we all have kids and happy little families.

Ross – And we're all part of one big happy family.

Monica – I know…I love you guys!  
  


Phoebe – Oh, me too! (Everyone hugs)

Joey – Hey, we should sing!

Chandler – …Excuse me?

Joey – You know… "I love you, you love me…"

(Everyone stares at him, speechless)

Joey – "…We're a happy family…"

Phoebe – Okay, you scream through my song, "Twisted Intestines," but THIS you tolerate.

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, this is it for this fic. About time! I added the J&P part for their fans, even though Phoebe's with Mike now, so…yeah. PLEASE review and tell me if you liked it, and how I can improve on anything in the future, I really appreciate it! THANK YOU! I love you all!!!


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